The Absence of Love is Suffocating

The absence of love is suffocating

This body burns with the need to gasp and pull it into these lungs

Feeling it in every fiber of this flesh incased ghost.

 

I want to burn lover. Have these flame lick along my spin and touch me

That only happens when your body is with my body

The way when your soul knows mine

 

Know my soul lover. It’s been burning and yearning for quite some time

This heart is laboring to pump, losing it fuel of fire and air.

And as it dies my eyes are leaking water as I drown

 

I’m drowning lover. In the black abyss, shadow hands are pulling me further down as I beat to break the surface. Ice is chilling my veins

Will it ever end? Is it time to give up lover?

3 Comments Add yours

  1. onadanta says:

    A few problems. “I want to burn lover” is saying you want to burn something called a lover, like you burn leaves or you might burn a hot dog. I have the feeling you want to say “I want to burn, Lover.” This would say you want to burn and you are talking to someone you call Lover (the capitalisation indicating a proper noun which would be used for a nickname).
    “The way when your soul knows mine” is awkward. Either “the way your soul knows” or “When your soul knows”.
    “Losing it fuel of fire and air” should be “Losing its fuel”. Come on, only twelve lines long. This is a nice poem. Get it right.
    “And as it dies my eyes are leaking water as I drown” does not read well because the word “as” is in the sentence twice. Poetic license? Maybe. But, it reads better with “and I drown”.
    The movement from burning to ice is good. I am wondering if it is a specific lover you are giving up on or is it the whole idea of love? A nice effort. Keep writing.

    Like

  2. Bhagyashree says:

    Beautiful and deep! 🌸

    Like

Leave a Reply to onadanta Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s